its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
