I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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