glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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