I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
