Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
