so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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