i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
