But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
