Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
