I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
