Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
