Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
