Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
