So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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