never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
