you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
