How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
