i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
