you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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