the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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