I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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