Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
