Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
