Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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