i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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