Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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