I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
