Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
