You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
