"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
