A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
