So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
