we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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