Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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