I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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