I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
