I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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