420 ftw
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
