New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize