I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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