I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
