She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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