i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There r osticjed everywhere
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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