my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
