so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
