Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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