p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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