I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
