Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
