My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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