i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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