I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
