my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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