some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
