Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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