ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
