You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
