Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
