Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
