If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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