This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
