So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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