Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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