I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
