So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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