I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
