I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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