Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I want a musical about memes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
