Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
