Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
