the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
