is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
